BOUNDARIES

Somewhere along the lines, some of us have begun to associate self-care with selfishness. We chastise ourselves for not always being available for others when they desire or need our presence. Sometimes it’s an internal guilt that drives us to shame while other times, the guilt is external. It’s an unwritten understanding that the disappointment of others, especially when expressed, should cause us to rethink the behavior that said disappointment is a response to. We forget that disappointment is a natural response to unmet expectations and that it doesn’t automatically mean that the reason for the expectations being umet weren’t justified; or that the expectations were mutually agreed upon to begin with.

There are many ways to unpack any circumstance that lies at the heart of our guilt. If we leave our relationships unchecked, we end up allowing others to ravage our time, space, and energy like a take what you need poster. Boundaries are vital to our wellbeing. If we allow others to take what they need, when they need it, however frequently they need it, what remains of ourselves for us to utilize when we need us? Boundaries aren’t selfish. Boundaries are self-preserving. If you struggle with feelings of guilt whenever you aren’t able to be there for someone when they need or want you there, even if the reason is something extremely important, this is a good area to do some digging.

PRAYER

God, I feel extremely responsible for the well-being of the people in my life and it’s been crippling. I don’t know that I can even help them in the ways that I want to let alone the ways they expect me to. I don’t want to let them down, but at the same time, I need to focus on me and build my life. There has to be a balance. Help me to be helpful when I can and give me the strength to say ‘no’ when it’s necessary. Help the people in my life accept the boundaries I put in place and help me to keep them there no matter how it feels. I know that this will cause some fallouts but I can’t afford what it would do to me if I don’t create space for myself to breathe. Guide me in my relationships. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

Journal Challenge

Who are the people in your life that cause you to feel the most guilt when they feel as if you’ve disappointed them? What are the reasons that not coming through for them makes you feel as if you’ve disappointed them? Do you feel like you owe them? If so, what have they done for you to feel permanently indebted to them? Dig as deeply into this as you can. When you feel like you’ve finished, save some space to revisit when the opportunity arises. Track the changes you make in your relationships with these individuals. How are you different as a result of setting boundaries? How are they different?