LETTING GO

Keeping with the theme of choices, let's talk about how duality and nuance are stripped away when we adhere to the limited options we’re presented with.

When I say present, I’m speaking less in the voice of conspiracy theories that suggest that the man, in an attempt to keep you down, aims to condition you to only see what’s right in front of you. Do I believe that our societies are structured to control what we do, and the free time we’re allowed because the process doesn’t work the way it’s said to work, and if we didn’t find ourselves desperate, we wouldn’t lock into the things they want us to? That’s neither here nor there.

What I’m referring to when I say the options we’re presented to is more in the scope of what we believe to be possible because of what we see. The things that are directly around us are the greatest influence in our lives. When those things are negative or stagnant, they become the greatest threat to our potential.

There’s been a lot of talk about nepotism in the social media sphere as of late, and though the silver spoon effect has its own issues, the idea is that children of alcoholic, abusive individuals are just as likely to follow in the footsteps of their parents as children of successful individuals are.

Whether good or bad, the familiarity of a path wins out against the dangers of the unknown. For me, this means that to forge a new path, a new environment is needed. The impact of the new environment is numerous.

One of the weird things about me is that I love watching films and television, or seeing on social media when people talk to each other in this culture-specific dialogue that I can’t understand. I like it because it’s new. Even if I have no desire to learn it, I love that it exists. Seeing super techie people talk about writing code and developing programs to an extent that I’d never understand is fun for me. The moment I acknowledged that might have been the moment I was made aware of the subcultures that have languages that still exist in the form of language as we first learned it. That means that when we want to transplant ourselves into new cultures based on our interests, there’s a language to learn that enables us to understand what’s going on in these spaces. Learning the language helps us communicate in these sub-cultures. It helps us to learn and become part of the community.

Writing culture was a big one for me. There was this world that housed all of the literary love I was introduced to in school. I didn’t realize how much reading and writing felt like home for me until school ended and I was no longer assigned things to read and write. It wasn’t immediately obvious to me that I could pick my own books to read and give myself writing projects to do. I was writing on my own time anyway, but there was the absence of connecting with my words the way graded assignments got me used to. It took a while to get to a place where I spoke the language of language more fluidly. Even as a writer, there were layers I hadn’t been exposed to in school.

The tricky part of dipping toes into new communities (to curate your new environment) is that there’s a part of you that’s still the you that you were before. There’s a sense of dissonance that is triggered in us whenever we’re becoming something new. It says that you’re a fraud because you aren’t yet, all while you’re being pushed in the direction of more by your desires. You have the yearning and the fear occupying the same space and it can be maddening. I consider that fear to be the headwinds that push against you, opposing your forward motion. When you think of plane travel and headwinds, you don’t think the winds are trying to stop the plane from going, you just think of it as a natural response to two forces moving in opposite directions. 

I want you to think of your opposition the same way. Not as a sign that things aren’t meant to be or as someone trying to stop you from your progress. Think of it as a natural response that strengthens you when you continue to press against it —exercise, if you will.

There was a time when I learned anything new in the world of reading, writing, and language, and I felt like a fraud when I tried to use what I learned. It was like “I didn’t know this before so it would be weird if I use it now” as if I were Spider-Man using my powers to get ahead in life rather than to become a neighborhood superhero. Learning a new word and using it even a month later made me feel like a poser. Then I had an epiphany. If you never intentionally use what you learn, you lose it. If you lose all of the information you acquire, you never grow. It makes more sense to use it until it no longer feels new and weird —like breaking in new shoes.

All in all, there’s a back and forth that comes with transplanting yourself into a new environment to give yourself the best chance to grow in the new direction you chose. One of the challenges of moving forward is the letting go that’s required. Whether it’s a fear that you won’t be good at the new thing, a fear of feeling disconnected from the thing you’ve been so interwoven with for so long, or some third, unspecified fear —the image in your head of your best life is attached to your growth. Your growth is on the other side of your fear, listed next to the letter C, and is waiting for you to choose it above all the other options that feel safer because they’re preplanned.

Let go.

PRAYER

God, I want what’s on the other side of my fear, and I’m familiar with the idea that most things take time. I don’t know what to do with that time. I don’t have a clear process that will take me from here to there. I can’t even fathom a process that will bring me success because I’ve never been to the place I’m going to before. I know you know what it’s like, where it is, and how to get there. Help me to find a community connected to this plan you have for me. Help me to learn the language, to feel at home in the new thing more than I feel connected to the old things. I don’t want the comfort of familiarity to keep me from the peace I know will come with the growth you want for me. Help me to stop going back to what I’m used to. Help me to familiarize myself with your plan, your guidance, and who you are so that it won’t matter where I am —I’ll feel at peace because I know you will always be with me. Give me the courage to move, to let go. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

JOURNAL CHALLENGE

What community/ sub-culture do you believe is connected to your career, job, purpose, or craft? What are the things that are specific to that community? What is the language, and how familiar are you with it? What can you do to learn a little more this week? What can you do to learn more intentionally going forward? Write it down and get to work.