THOUGHT
I’ve been considering the possibility that not every thought that takes residence in my mind is mine. I think that maybe, just like inspiration, the day to day thoughts are visitors that we have the right to accept or decline. Sure, some of those thoughts attach themselves to the facts of our lives and so, by way of validity, they become shoo-ins. But should they?
We’ve been learning autonomy in the sphere of social media teaching us that a lot of our upbringing has been void of consent. The family members and family friends we were forced to connect with despite how we personally felt about them. The food we had to eat that might have made us nauseous because our parents weren’t about to make anything else. Even the way we either understood the way our teacher’s taught or fell behind. In hindsight, who we became in some respects has very little to do with who we wanted to become. We took the options we were given because no one ever told us that we had the option to opt out —that there were always more options than we were given.
The same is true for the thoughts we come across. We can opt out. Granted, just because we tell them no, doesn’t mean they’ll go away forever. What we’re saying no to is the access we give them to everything beyond our minds.
I think of medieval films, their battle fields, their war rooms, and the strategy that always seems to develop around the idea that victory requires keeping the enemy in their sights. That preventing them from advancing beyond the battlefield is the main mission. As a result, there were soldiers who fought on that battlefield and ones who guarded the kingdom right outside of its gates incase the enemy got close.
Our minds are battlefields. I know it feels awful, believe me, I’ve experienced some unspeakable things in the privacy of my mind —but there are worst places to engage in that fight. When thoughts progress past our minds, they get down in our hearts (not the physical one but the emotional representation of us). The difference between a thought waging war in our minds and having that enemy breech our hearts is that we go from thinking the worst about ourselves to believing and behaving like the worst of ourselves.
I’ve failed to hold off the worst thoughts at different moments in my life and it has led to some of the most self-destructive eras of my existence. The thing about thoughts that get into your heart and poison your view of yourself is, even when it happens, there’s always the opportunity to turn it around and get back to the victory.
PRAYER
God, I’ve lost more fights than I can even begin to recall. My mind has been a disaster and even when I feel a little bit less like a train wreck, those thoughts remind me that I’m not all that I think I am and that I’ll never be who I want to be. I don’t know how to win against those thoughts, especially when my life feels like a rap sheet confirming every mistake I’ve ever made and just how unworthy I am because of them. I need help thinking differently. I need the strength to say no to the options that I’ve been presented with and something better to replace them with. I don’t know how to do that but I want to believe it’s possible to not be tormented by my mind every day. Help me, please. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
JOURNAL CHALLENGE
Track your thoughts. Write them down and take notice of the ones that repeat. Make note of when the thoughts come and acknowledge the shift in your emotions after they’ve appeared, include your disposition prior to the arrival of your thought. What conclusions can you draw based on the patterns of those thoughts. Read Philippians 4: 8 and for each suggestion, write down an associated item that you can use to combat negative thoughts.
“ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”